


How Fans Say "I Love You"

by AsYouCommand (OminousHummingObelisk)



Series: Kibble & Bits & Bits & Bits [10]
Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One)
Genre: Checking Out the Boss, Fanart, Fandom, Fandom-Inflicted Trauma, Fanfiction, Genital-Focused Speculation, Glitter, Nonconsensual Glitter Use, Other, Porn of Yourself, Real Person Slash - Freeform, Self-Googling, Swearing, The Big Conversation, public embarrassment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-11
Updated: 2017-09-11
Packaged: 2018-12-26 12:05:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12058650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OminousHummingObelisk/pseuds/AsYouCommand
Summary: In which a great tradition within the Big Conversation's DJD fandom comes to an unexpected end.





	How Fans Say "I Love You"

**Author's Note:**

> Original post by [shokveyv.tumblr.com](http://shokveyv.tumblr.com/post/165213412648/shokveyv-can-i-please-get-more-photoedits-of):
> 
> Okay, this honestly just has to be seen to be fully experienced. It features Tarn with animated glitter biolights and detailed Make Your Own Glitter Tarn instructions from [shokveyv](http://shokveyv.tumblr.com) for installation of Glitter Tarns on binders and other office supplies. Please go caress it with your eyeball functions. 
> 
> I will certainly delete this piece if the original poster does not want it posted.

I’m just imagining the DJD dropping into an outpost for a supply run and Tarn ends up looming over some no-name soldier, staring down at a binder, and that poor bastard gazing up into his death while his friends silently abandon him to his fate. “Sir. Sir, I can. I can explain, sir.”

“Can you imagine the _nerve?_ ” Tarn asks his unit later on as he scrubs carbon burns from an exploding spark off of his chassis. “Where are the young MTOs of today getting their ideas??” 

“Mostly the Big Conversation?” Tesarus mumbles carelessly, engrossed in some really graphic fanfic that he’d scraped off the underside of the Ultranet. Some people really, really had a thing for huge industrial models stuffed with razors, and Tesarus was really, really okay with that. 

“Oh? There are Decepticons on the Ultranet who encourage each other to desecrate images of the Justice Division in horrible, whimsical ways that undermine our professional image?” 

And that statement could have applied to a few different kinds of desecration, but Tesarus and Helex immediately lock gazes from across the room, certain of what had happened. 

[Oh slag,] Helex comms. 

[He found out about the glitter,] Tesarus replies. Aloud, he attempts to head off the deluge. “Hey, sir, you know some people just get real bad ideas totally in isolation, like, they keep it to themselves because they _know_ they’re bad ideas and they feel bad --” 

Tarn turns to the main bridge viewscreen. “Ship AI, search the Big Conversation for ‘DJD’ plus ‘glitter.’“ 

Almost immediately, the AI calmly reports, “Search results: 4,895,103 unique pages. Apply advanced search criteria?” 

Tarn begins, very subtly, to vibrate with rising temper. 

[Pit damn it, I liked the glitter fanart,] Helex grumps into Tesarus’ freq. [People used to put it on action stills of me so it was like I was melting the trash and my smelter was turning them into big glittery rainbows. Menacing as heck.] He pauses, struck by inspiration. [THEY MADE ME FULL OF PAINBOWS.] 

[Yeah, mine usually had a lot of glitter energon all over my grinder. Real sexy-like. Scrubs _wish_ they were hot enough to get glitter fanart online like we do. Fragging Tarn and his total failure to take compliments, I swear.] 

[...Think he’ll ever figure out that we started it?] 

[...Hey, wasn’t it Old Vos who posted the first one on anon? Like, Previous Vos? Vos who’s the Pet now?] 

[Hmmm. I see what you’re saying. Little slagdribble was tipping his hand that long ago, huh.] 

[Wait, doesn’t that mean...that he really was making fun of us?? All that slag he fed us about glitter being the sexy mech’s crafting supply and how fans only glitter up the celebrities they like most and different glitter colors symbolizing different ways to say ‘I love you’ and --] 

[FUCKING PITS. THAT LITTLE FUCKER PLAYED US. AND WE ATE THE WHOLE DAMN THING.] 

[Wow. I mean, I felt pretty raw when we found out he was Spec Ops, but...I feel so betrayed right now. I’m legit actually hurting in my actual spark. Heck.] 

While Helex and Tesarus manage their painful realizations over comms, Tarn had regained enough control over his frame to choke out, “Ship AI, open search result number 113.” 

The lurid image that splays itself across the main viewscreen, a healthy thirty feet tall, makes his subordinates twitch violently in their seats. So much glitter. Really detailed fanart. Really...detailed... _details_. 

“ _No_ ,” Tarn breathes in horror, seeming to literally gray as his will to live drains out of him. 

Helex isn’t noticing his own dropped jaw. [So many people are going to die because of this pic,] he whispers into the still-open link. 

Tesarus’ odd optical anatomy allows him to speculatively eyeball their commander without any giveaway head-turning. [...Think that’s accurate at all? Not the glitter, but all the rest of the, y’know.] 

Helex turns to stare at him, still gaping. [F-- Wh-- ARE YOU ACTUALLY SPECULATING ABOUT WHAT I THINK YOU’RE SPECULATING ABOUT?] 

Thanks to long ages spent in the bowels of the Ultranet, Tesarus’ armor against kinkshaming is mighty. [Oh please, it’s not like I’m gonna sneak in at night and pop his panels to check. I’m just thinking. Thinking’s not a crime. ...Well, it is, but somebody has to catch you at it for it to count.] 

[How the Pits did you ever make it into the DJD??] 

[What, you don’t think all that would fit under his armor? Or you think he’s not enough of a hedonist to have one that pretty? Be real with me, dude.] 

[I’M NOT TALKING TO YOU ABOUT THIS. I’M NOT TALKING TO YOU FOR THE REST OF THE FUCKING VORN. WHAT THE PIT IS BROKEN IN YOU, TES.] 

[Damn, imagine being the guy who put that double handful of pink glitter up in there. Look at all the metallo-muscle inside it. Might lose your hand. Bet it would snap your junk right o--] Helex severs the comm link and continues his outraged glaring from across the bridge. Tesarus shakes his head in disappointment. Doesn’t Helex remember that pink glitter means _I tenderly adore you in an egalitarian and spiritually edifying manner, but I will not pursue a relationship without your clear and enthusiastic consent_? Helex is such a n00b. 

“Ship AI,” Tarn rasps, “search within these results for all individual Big Conversation users who have posted such...content.” 

“Search results: 1,780,043 users found.” 

Tesarus offers a moment of silence for all the quality fanartists who hadn’t yet realized that they were dead. 

Tarn’s laughter is soft, brittle, crazed. He gathers himself for the rapturous delivery of Decepticon Justice. “KAON! BRING UP THE LIST! THERE IS FILTH THAT CRIES OUT FOR CLEANSING!” 

His two subordinates swallow groans, anticipating the workload increase after the addition of a million new targets. Duty permits no rest.


End file.
